Gracious, I was just at the pool this afternoon and oh wow. Mamas, there are so many “kinds” of us. SOOOOOOOOO many.
So, let me just list a few as we head into this water-filled summer because I’m tellin’ ya… after this post, you’re gonna be lookin’ for all these mamas at your local pool and addin’ to the list.
There are the moms who…
- Have designated themselves as the real lifeguard.
- Bring half the grocery store with them.
- Pack the stroller, pack-n-play, inflatable napper-thing, and all of Wal-Mart’s pool noodles.
- Thought the pool was hosting a photo shoot for the cover of SwimSuit Illustrated.
- Bring avocadoes and knives for snack time.
- Did their hair before they came.
- Give free, unsolicited swimming advice.
- Conduct their own swimming lessons in the middle of the pool.
- Are dressed for a private, European beach.
- Seem afraid of their children getting wet.
- Use the kiddie pool as their free, three month subscription to e-Harmony.
- Forgot the sunscreen.
- Use a bottle of sunscreen per hour.
- Are possibly sippin’ somethin’ other than water out of that bottle.
- Are wearing a pair of LuLaroe leggings…in the water.
- Still believe white t-shirts act as camouflage when they’re wet.
- Allow their child to eat a 6-inch sub while swimming.
- Are playing “shark” in the middle of the 18 inch- deep pool.
- Spent more money on their suit than I did on my family membership pass.
- Forgot they brought kids to the pool.
- Are terrified of their husbands drowning their children.
- Are nursing in the pool.
- Bribe their kids with 50 cents to try the slide.
- Appear to have reached the color of “red-hot lava.”
- Forgot that everyone was listening to their pool-side phone conversation.
- Bring their color-coded pens and their summer calendar to get some serious planning done.
- Are attempting to discreetly explain to their small child why another woman has her breasts almost entirely exposed in the splash pad.
- Are doling out slices of Velveeta like its her job.
- Are mercilessly dunking their child to expose them to their water fears.
- Are sportin’ a pair of jeans and sippin’ a latte…and NOT sweating.
- Continuously yell, “I’m tellin’ your dad when we get home!!!”
- Just dropped 30 bucks on “Walking Tacos,” Corn Dogs, ice pops, and RC Colas at the concession stand.
- Are swimming laps with their small child adhered to their back.
- Are trying to keep their mascara from running.
- Brought three, different types of flotation devices. Just in case.
- Brought Cheetos with no wipes.
Mamas, we so diverse. SOOOOOO diverse!
Confession: I may or may not be #1, #5, #8, #23, #27, and #36. MAYbe.