Mom: 30 Thank You Notes

Kids, if you were to write me some “thank you” notes (Jimmy Fallon style) here is how I envision they might read.

  1. Dear Mom, thank you for keeping me alive.
  2. Dear Mom, thank you for consistently getting up in the middle of your dinner  to wipe my bum in the very nasty public bathrooms.
  3. Dear Mom, thank you for washing clean clothes that were never dirty. Not even a little.
  4. Dear Mom, thank you for finding everything I thought I lost but was really right in front of my face.
  5. Dear Mom, thank you for insisting that I not ingest mold.
  6. Dear Mom, thank you for carrying all the snacks all the time for all my hunger needs.
  7. Dear Mom, thank you for dealing with all those “easy-open” ketchup packets.
  8. Dear Mom, thank you for hoisting me in and out of my car seat 56,329 times a week.
  9. Dear Mom, thank you for not sleeping in past 8 AM; I like to get a head-start on my day.
  10. Dear Mom, thank you for giving up on keeping the bathroom sink clean; it feels overwhelming when it doesn’t have toothpaste in it.
  11. Dear Mom, thank you for your amazing ability to drive down the highway at 75 MPH while simultaneously opening up a cheese stick.
  12. Dear Mom, thank you for not being one of those seven kinds of animal species that eat their young.
  13. Dear Mom, thank you for all the times you cleaned the bathroom rugs because of my misplaced urine.
  14. Dear Mom, thank you for keeping me from digging through the tampon box on the side of every bathroom stall in America.
  15. Dear Mom, thank you for begging me to wear a jacket. You were right; it is kinda cold sometimes.
  16. Dear Mom, thank you for helping me with my 23 wardrobe changes a day; I couldn’t do it without you. In fact, I refuse to do it without you.
  17. Dear Mom, thank you for never being so invested in a task that I don’t feel like I can interrupt you.
  18. Dear Mom, thank you for buying me that set of 101 plastic army guys. My favorite part is watching you step on them; it’s like watching a real war.
  19. Dear Mom, thank you for wearing black yoga pants on most days; I feel less worried about putting my boogers on you when you are wearing that kind of outfit.
  20. Dear Mom, thank you for reminding me 333 times during one meal to sit on my chair; I seem to remember best on that 334th time.
  21. Dear Mom, thank you for being okay with your shower looking like a blue, plastic kiddie pool.
  22. Dear Mom, thank you for adding “socks” as a budget line item; I can’t seem to keep them on my feet or in our house.
  23. Dear Mom, thank you for always pretending to be on the phone; I know you’re just trickin’ me when you act like you’re talking to someone.
  24. Dear Mom, thank you for buying me clothes; I love pulling on the necks and chewing on the sleeves.
  25. Dear Mom, thank you for never replacing the carpet; that would be too much pressure.
  26. Dear Mom, thank you for finally understanding that it will take me 2.7 seconds to put on my shoes if we’re going to the park, but 978.3 seconds if we’re going to the grocery store. They really are so very different.
  27. Dear Mom, thank you for all the pulled muscles you have endured, so that you can steer the GINORMO car-cart down the very-small grocery aisles.
  28. Dear Mom, thank you for saving all of your serious conversations with dad for after I go to bed; I know you’re really exhausted by that point, but I really hate sharing you.
  29. Dear Mom, thank you for giving up on the belief that pillows are meant to stay on the couch.
  30. Dear Mom, thank you (again) for keeping me alive. You really are the very, VERY best.

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