It rarely happens, like never, when you fall asleep in my arms–limp and heavy, peaceful and breathy. But when it does, I quietly scoot for the camera…hoping to snap a few for my mama heart, for my mama memory. Because I don’t want to forget these moments and the memories they hold, and I certainly don’t want to lose the picture and the beauty it holds within. I just don’t.
But today, as I looked at that picture on my camera screen, I didn’t want to forget something else.
Today, as I held your little self and felt your weight in my arms, I wanted to not only remember your body held by mine, but I also wanted to remember my thoughts–the weight of raising YOU.
I felt the weight of teaching you right from wrong, peace and joy.
I felt the weight of helping you learn confidence and humility, modesty and true beauty.
I felt the weight of modeling to you both gracious words and truthful thoughts, patience and perseverance.
I felt the weight of instilling in you both a persevering and teachable spirit, a boldness and a listening posture.
I felt the weight of sharing the gospel and its theology with you, mercy and judgment.
I felt the weight of encouraging your uniqueness and your call, your hopes and dreams.
I felt the weight of engaging your mind about sexuality and gender, roles and giftings.
I felt the weight of equipping you with courage and kindness, contentment and open-minded-ness.
I felt the weight of loving your daddy and brother, your friends and our family.
I felt the weight of demonstrating hard work and true identity, professions and priorities.
I felt the weight of discussing the messy and ugly, the blurry and the hard.
I felt the weight of discouraging greed and gossip, comparison and arrogance..
I felt the weight of processing your hurts and fears, obsessions and concerns.
I felt the weight of nurturing you, growing you, raising you, shaping you, and leading you.
I felt the weight of ALL OF YOU.
And as I felt YOU, I also remembered HIM–the HIM that is faithful and true to not only His children, but also to His children’s children and to the good work that He faithfully started in me and in you. And not only will that work be completed, sweet girl, but it will also be carried out for my good…for your good…for our good…and for His glory. And THAT is a weight that I need NOT carry alone.