“But I Want THAT!”

It was a beautiful fall day, and I thought we were having fun.

We were crunching the leaves, jumping on the stumps, and enjoying the cooler weather and the blue skies. Colors were all around us, the whining had subsided, and we were having our moment in the woods.

But apparently, not all of us were having “our moment.”

Bursting into tears, with a pout the size of a large, upside-down banana, Evie wailed, “I want that!!!” 

What in the world was she talking about?

The leaves? The tree? The sticks? The earth? What in the world was the THAT that she wanted so bad?!?!

“Evie, what do you want?”

Pointing the only other humans in that space of the woods, she throws her finger in the direction of another mother with two children.

“I want THAT purple tutu!!!” 

Slightly relieved that she wasn’t all alligator-tears over wanting a NEW mother, I attempted to console her.

“But Evie, you have a lovely dress. Look at how beautiful it is! That is her dress, and this is yours.”

“But I want THAT!!!” Again, she sobbed.

You have GOT to be kidding me, kid! You HAVE a dress, a BEAUTIFUL dress. I let you wear a BEAUTIFUL DRESS to the woods. TO THE WOODS for crying out loud. And now you want THAT?! A purple tutu?!?! Get a grip!!! 

“Evie, this is the dress you have been given to wear. I would suggest that you be thankful for what you DO HAVE, rather than crying over what you DON’T HAVE.”

And surprisingly, she moved on.

Standing in a pile of crunchy, fallen leaves, I was actually kinda shocked.

That was it?! No more sobs? No more dramatic huffs and puffs? No more forest drama?!?!

Happy and yet slightly confused by the sudden change in her contentment, we moved on through the beauty.

But as we walked, I couldn’t shake the tutu incident.

Why?

Because this mama has wanted all kinds of “purple tutu’s” too. 

And though the things I covet don’t often involve purple, fluffy things, I can’t help but think of all the many ways I, too, find myself wanting THAT and all the many ways I continue to linger in my discontentment, pining after THAT and craving after THAT…completely missing the beauty around me, in me, and on me.

As we walked, the Spirit started to convicted me of “THAT YUCK” in my own life.

I wish I had THAT thinner thighs.

I wish I had THAT thicker hair.

I wish I had THAT a more trendy wardrobe.

I wish I had THAT less crinkle-wrinkles in my forehead.

I wish I had THAT more writing ability.

I wish I had THAT a Type B personality.

I wish I had THAT the desire to run 13.1 and 26.2 miles.

I wish I had THAT less muscle and more length.

I wish I had THAT HGTV-kind-of house.

I wish I had THAT a bigger kitchen, a second bathroom, and a two-car garage.

And though it’s tempting to be more vague in my examples and a lot less honest, I don’t want to pretend that I don’t have my moments of coveting “purple tutu’s.” Because I do–more than I would like to admit and more than my pride desires to believe and concede.

I don’t want to pretend that I always love ME. I don’t want to pretend that I am the picture of contentment or the display of joy. I don’t want to pretend that I am thankful, grateful, and in AWE of God’s handiwork in me. I don’t want to feign that this sister walks through life with no comparison struggles and no image issues. I don’t want anyone, including myself, to ever believe that there aren’t days where I covet the things I am not and crave the things I don’t have. Because I do.

And I don’t want to believe (even for a second) that God is ever (even a little) okay with coveting. I don’t want to believe that He’s more concerned about the “bigger sins.” Because He’s not. 

You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor. Exodus 20:17

But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Ephesians 5:3

Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry. Colossians 3:5

Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have Hebrews 13:5 a

What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. James 4:1-2

Because though the sin of coveting might not seem like a “big deal,” especially because it’s esteemed and encouraged in our money-making, greed-driven, product-obsessed, need-wanting, thing-having culture, it IS a big deal.

It’s a big deal because it’s not proper among the saints. It’s a big deal because it leads to idolatry, and it’s the source of war in our souls. It’s a big deal because it’s disobeying the very WORD of God to be content and thankful.

So before I am quick to think,You have GOT to be kidding me, kid! You HAVE a dress, a BEAUTIFUL dress. I let you wear a BEAUTIFUL DRESS to the woods. TO THE WOODS for crying out loud. And now you want THAT?! A purple tutu?!?! Get a grip!!! ,” may I be quick to search my soul and scour my heart, confessing the moments where I linger in discontentment and pine with a covetous spirit.

Because “godliness WITH contentment is great gain.” 1 Timothy 6:6

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One thought on ““But I Want THAT!”

  1. I’m reading this, wondering what our Father must think as you consider these things.

    I’d be willing to bet that it’s this: “She gets it.”

    Love you, wise friend.

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