Stuff (31 Things) My Son Says

  1. “Mommy, you must be able to run so fast with those big thighs you have.”
  2. “Mommy, you probably are already full because your stomach doesn’t look small.”
  3. “I think we should take Daddy golfing so that he can show the world that he is not too weak and not so old to golf. People need to know that.”
  4. “Mommy, I like your food, but I REALLY like going out to eat better.”
  5. “What are those cracks [wrinkles] near your eyes?”
  6. “Why are you putting that dust stuff [foundation] on your face again?”
  7. “Mommy, I like you, but Daddy is my favorite parent.”
  8. “Mommy, thank you for showing up today.”
  9. “Mommy, you are good at solving all my problems because Daddy can’t.”
  10. “Are you wearing those yoga pants again?!?!”
  11. “Mommy, I drink a lot of water and you drink a lot of coffee.”
  12. “Mommy, I’m worried that you are going to eat all of the guacamole again. Could you not do that this time?”
  13. “When you put those glasses on, I don’t like looking at you.”
  14. “Why are you dressed up? Are you going to work?”
  15. “When I get bigger, I am going to buy this house from you and buy back all the things you have thrown away.”
  16. “Mommy, you can do this little Lego set with me, but Daddy should probably do the bigger ones. He is actually good at doing Legos.”
  17. “I don’t even think you should try to go down that slide. It isn’t made for your size.”
  18. “Mommy, something you need to work on is not yelling and telling me ‘no’ all the time.”
  19. “Since I can’t marry you, and I can’t marry my sister, I have NO CLUE who I can marry!”
  20. “Let’s just say that I’m in 1st grade because it’s my first time in a grade, okay?”
  21. “You would say that! Did you go to school to learn the Bible or something? Because you are always talking about it!”
  22. “My favorite thing that you cook is bananas, Mommy.”
  23. “I think your favorite thing to do is sleep because you are always talking about it.”
  24. “Mommy, thanks for working so that we can eat.”
  25. “Please don’t put your eggs-ma [eczema] on me because it looks so gross.”
  26. “Someday I will get a big man butt when I get hair on it.”
  27. “I don’t know why you like to listen to client problems [I’m a counselor]; I would hate that!”
  28. “Mommy, I don’t really like your hair all up in that messy thing in the back of your head.”
  29. “Do you know what ‘conscious’ means? It means ‘to be aware of’…just in case you didn’t know that.”
  30. “Mommy, I’ll remind you in case you forget because you are always forgetting.”
  31. “I would hate to be a girl because they have to wear panty liners and have babies.”

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