Mom Confessions, Part 2

About a year ago, I wrote my first installation of “Mom Confessions” and after having a moment today where I literally thought to myself, “I don’t think I’d ever want anyone to know I’ve thought that,” I decided it was time to write “Mom Confessions, Part 2” because feigning perfection and hiding our yuck never made anyone feel “normal.”

So, here goes…

  1. Sometimes I get everyone dressed right before Daddy comes home from work.
  2. Sometimes I play out fake conversations in my head that go something like this. “You are such a brat! Do you have any clue how much I do for you? Because if you had any clue, you’d shut your mouth and stop whining about every blasted thing!!!” Sometimes it makes me feel better.
  3. Sometimes I don’t feel like giving my kiddos a bath, so I get out the box of wipes.
  4. Sometimes I fill my kids’ cups with Dr. Pepper…twice.
  5. Sometimes I only serve my kids a sandwich for lunch because I want nap time to come sooner and a piece of fruit would only promise delay.
  6. Sometimes I purposefully leave the room, hoping my husband hears the meltdown and deals with it.
  7. Sometimes I answer with “soon” rather than taking the time to explain that it will be “at least four more hours” until they get to do what they want to do.
  8. Sometimes I eat Reese’s mini cups behind a locked bathroom door because I need some hope.
  9. Sometimes I actually enjoying picking the crusty boogers out of my daughter’s nose even though she’s sobbing.
  10. Sometimes I suggest that the kids have Mac-N-Cheese for lunch because Mommy wants Mac-N-Cheese for lunch.
  11. Sometimes I dump a 5 lb. bag of dried beans onto the floor and hope that it will buy me at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted time even if it means that I’ll have 15 minutes of clean-up.
  12. Sometimes I suggest that we play a game that involves me “typing information,” so that I can respond to e-mails while simultaneously “playing library.”
  13. Sometimes before I have to discipline my daughter for clobbering her brother, I smile because she did what I would have secretly loved to do when he was whining about having to change his underwear.
  14. Sometimes I take a gamble on cavities because I’m just shot and ready for bed time.
  15. Sometimes I give my daughter an M&M when I give my son his vitamins because I don’t want to deal with the fight.
  16. Sometimes I pretend that my silent but deadly farts are actually a result of the offensive smells emanating from my daughter’s poopy diaper.
  17. Sometimes my children make me cry and I say dramatic things to my husband like, “I really don’t like him” and “I hope he makes it to age five” and “Why does he act like he hates me?!?!?”

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