26 Parent Hats: More Than Mom, More Than Dad

We are…

  1. Broken Record-Players–We repeat, and we repeat, and we repeat. And we repeat, and we repeat, and we repeat.
  2. Vending Machines–We live to dispense snacks. Lots and LOTS of snacks.
  3. Jungle Gyms–Our bodies are not our own and neither is our space, our clothes, and our food.
  4. Zoo Keepers–Keeping the animals fed, safe, and trained since since 2011.
  5. Short-Order Cooks–Oh, you don’t like your eggs? Okay. Well, then how about some grilled cheese? Some bacon? A hot dog? A bag of fruit snacks?
  6. Crisis Intervention Specialists–Sing it with me, R.E.M fans…”It’s the end of the world as we know it.”
  7. Negotiators–“If you eat one bite of broccoli, I’ll give you a bag of M&M’s.”
  8. Philanthropists–We work, and you reap ALL the benefits.
  9. Body Guards–Protecting you from bodies of water, moving cars, electrical outlets, flights of stairs,moldy cheese,…and yourself.
  10. Paramedics–“Call 9-1-1!!! That hang-nail is cutting off oxygen to the brain!!! HURRY! HURRY! HURRY!”
  11. Entertainers– I wake up and declare, “I. WILL. DEFEAT. YOUR. BOREDOM.”
  12. Police Officers–We deal with delinquents, burglars, and offenders all day long.
  13. Waste Receptacles–Go ahead and hand me your chewed gum, sticky booger, half-eaten grape, and picked scab; it’s not fair to give that kind of stuff to the kitchen trash can.
  14. Personal Assistants–Pick your clothes out…check! Schedule your play dates…check! Shop for your groceries…check! Launder your clothes…check! Cut your food…check! Wipe your bum 38 times in a day…check!
  15. Chauffeurs–Driving Miss Daisy Little Crazies!!!
  16. Beverage Production Process Operators– No cup is left unfilled for more than 3.8 seconds.
  17. Nutritionists–Attempting to balance your large, sugar intake with your small, green intake.
  18. Educators–ABC’s, 1,2,3’s, and everything…in between!
  19. Therapists–Let’s talk about your feelings, your problems, and all the wounds we have inflicted upon you.
  20. Mind-readers–“Oh, you are throwing yourself on the floor. That must mean that you’re angry because I asked you to brush your teeth.”
  21. Peacemakers–We settle ALL disputes…big, small, very small, very not significant at all.
  22. Cheerleaders–“RAH, RAH, REE…you’ve fallen on your knee. RAH, RAH, RASS…you’ve fallen on your other knee!!!”
  23. Hygienists–When the dentist asks why your teeth are a mess, it’s our fault.
  24. House Keepers–Go ahead and throw that towel there and leave that plate there, I’ve got it covered.
  25. HR Managers–A safe place to air ALL your complaints and request your benefits.
  26. Firemen–Putting out fires is…our…life.

Fellow parents, don’t undersell your job. It’s more than just the “Best Job Ever.” It’s the “BEST JOBS EVER!!!” 

Oh, and if you read this and add a “job” in the comment section below, I will pick a randomly selected winner (on Friday, October 2nd) and send you a Starbuck’s gift card. Why? Because being a parent is a very, very tiring job!


5 thoughts on “26 Parent Hats: More Than Mom, More Than Dad

  1. Hair stylists – finding creative ways for bows to stay in hair that is barely there; cleaning up a haircut they do on their own; fixing even the worst bed heads…

  2. Wardrobe assistant. Because we pick out pjs, before lunch outfit, after explosive diaper outfit, after playing outside in the dirt outfit, after we forget to derobe them and give them spaghetti for dinner outfit….

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