This Mama’s Hot-Mess Love

You know that moment when you realize how inadequate, how broken, how terribly selfish and conditional your love for your children can be?

You know that moment when you realize that you can really stink at loving those you claim to love the most?

You know that moment when you realize that your love is so easily ticked off and sometimes unfairly contingent on your children’s behavior?

You know that moment when you realize that your love has an agenda and that you’re at the center of that agenda?

You know that moment when you realize that you’re tired of loving the unlovable and would much rather love the lovable and reasonable?

You know that moment when you realize that your love is so weak, so absolutely unstable and so fretfully fragile?

You know that moment when you realize that your love for your children, no matter if you tried, would never satisfy the gaping hole in their souls that can only be filled with His love?

You know that moment when you realize that your love doesn’t always protect, always trust, always hope, or always persevere?

You know that moment when you realize that your love looks more like a scorecard than a selfless gift?

You know that moment when you realize that this “love one another” thing is like really, really hard?

You know that moment when you realize that you have been loving with secret expectations?

You know that moment when you realize that loving your children looks a lot like your marriage vows…not easy?

You know that moment when you realize that love hurts, and isn’t fair, and is hardly what it looks like in the movies and magazines?

You know that moment when you realize that loving your children in the hospital, right after their first breaths, feels a whole lot harder and a whole lot different than it does now?

You know that moment when you realize that loving your children isn’t always going to feel good or produce happy, pleasing thoughts?

You know that moment when you realize that loving your children is one of the hardest things you’ve ever been asked to keep on doing?

You know that moment when you realize that love looks like sacrifice, and pain, and a whole bunch of hard?

You know that moment when your realize that there are absolutely no guarantees when loving another soul with an independent will?

You know that moment when you realize that love is a continual, moment-by-moment choice that sometimes feels like an uphill battle?

You know that moment when you realize that your love, though it’s fierce and intense and so very real, falls terribly short in the presence of the Savior’s love?

In the past two days, I’ve had all those moments.

Praising God that He loves His children way, way, way better than I love mine, and that He forgives me when I fall terribly, terribly short of reflecting His ever-perfect, never-ending, self-sacrificing love.

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