33 “Probably Laws” of Parenting

1. When you get in the shower, at least one child will probably need assistance with a bowel movement.

2. When you have company over, your children will probably act like they’ve never slept a full night in their lives.

3. When you are attempting to have an adult conversation, it probably won’t happen.

4. When you’re hanging out with your friends and their cherub children, your child’s head will probably spin off their shoulders.

5. When you pass the toy aisle, there will probably be a “Come to Jesus” moment.

6. When you look forward to a special event, there will probably be extra special tantrums.

7. When you are in a hurry to leave, there will probably be an upheaval about wearing a coat or putting on shoes.

8. When the phone rings, there will probably be a meltdown that even the automated operator can hear.

9. When you get home from the store without diapers and milk, you will probably realize there is not a single diaper in the house and not an ounce of milk.

10. When you spend 26 minutes putting on winter gear, you will probably be back in the house within 13.

11. When you go on vacation, there will probably be a fever, a tooth, or a foreign illness.

12. When you go on that same vacation, you will probably forget the Tylenol and have to buy an expensive bottle at a small convenience store.

13. When you put on real clothes, you will probably have to change again before you leave.

14. When you get pictures taken, there will probably be a gash, bruise, or a random mark on your child’s face.

15. When you plan a date, there will probably be an illness.

16. When you tell your friends that parenting is going well, the next week will probably be one of the worsts.

17. When you try to capture a sweet moment, no one will probably be looking at the camera and one sibling will be picking the other sibling’s nose.

18. When you sit down to relax for the evening, the monitor will probably sound.

19. When your parents are around, you will probably have an incident where you look like an incompetent, unsafe parent.

20. When you put on a layered dress with tights, there will probably be a gargantuan blowout.

21. When you finish dinner, there will probably be a snack request less than 20 minutes later.

22. When you actually need to leave the house, someone will probably take the longest nap of their lives.

23. When you ask your kid to perform, they will probably act like they’ve never even heard of the ABC’s.

24. When you visit a new place, your child will probably find the one, uncovered electrical outlet along with the most expensive heirloom in the entire house.

25. When you are at the front of the store, the bathroom will probably be at the back of the store.

26. When you are at the back of the store, the bathroom will probably be at the front of the store.

27. When you actually care about what they wear, they will probably care about what they wear.

28. When you go to the grocery store, someone will probably be starving and you will have forgotten the snacks.

29. When you shut a door, there will probably be 98 knocks on that door.

30. When you finish a load of laundry, someone will probably puke or spill something red.

31. When you sit down to drink your coffee, the world’s worst toddler crisis will probably happen.

32. When you sit down to write a blog post about the “Probably Laws,” probably one of the “Probably Laws” will happen.

33. And when things don’t go as expected in those certain situations with those certain people, there are probably a whole bunch of other times when things go unexpectedly and perfectly well.

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2 thoughts on “33 “Probably Laws” of Parenting

  1. I love to read what you have to say. You make me laugh, think, believe, and cry. So glad you share with all of us.

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