1. Did I really just hold my daughter (kinda, sorta with my arms and chin) with her face parallel to the ground while I attempted to button my jeans in a public bathroom.
2. Did I really just let my son hand me his booger from the backseat?
3. Did I really just hear my son say, “Hold on, Mommy! I have to go shave. I need to look nice”?
4. Did I really just give my daughter my toothbrush to chew on, so I could shower in peace.
5. Did I really just tell my son that if I let him sit in the front seat, then a policeman would possibly stop my car and take me to jail?
6. Did I really just pick up the entire snack bowl of goldfish off the Target shopping floor and promptly (without any hesitation) hand them back to my son?
7. Did I really just make his toy dragon a small lunch of grapes and cheese?
8. Did I really just yell in the Walgreen’s parking lot, “Hurry, Hurry! Get in the fire truck!! There’s a fire!!!”?
9. Did I really just hear my son say, “No, I don’t want any pop, Mommy. Can I just have water”?
10. Did I really just try to convince my son that he eats random pieces of lettuce in things all the time?
11. Did I really just hear my son say, “Mommy, please don’t scratch that scab. It will just make it more worse”?
12. Did I really just steal my daughter’s snacks and then hand her more fruit?
13. Did I really just hear my son say, “Hey, Mommy! Did you check to make sure the gate is up”?
14. Did I really just hear, “Mommy, you’re my favorite sweetie in the whole world”?
15. Did I really just agree to let my son handle the glue gun?
16. Did I really just resort to hiding the shoes in the fireplace, so my daughter would stop hunting them down and chewing on the soles?
17. Did I really just find a cheese cracker in my cleavage?
18. Did I really just tell my son that I was going to charge him a quarter from him every time I had to clean up his muddy footprints on the back of my driver’s seat?
19. Did I really just watch my 11 month-old daughter pretend to pour herself a cup of tea, take a sip, and then pour herself some more?
20. Did I really just hear my son say (after I spontaneously jumped up from the dinner table to dance to a Bruno Mars’ song), “Mommy, you haven’t finished your dinner yet” ?
21. Did I really just hear my son say, “Mommy, I’m just going to marry you when I get bigger and live in your house forever”?
22. Did I really just pick up my daughter’s cup 19 times within the span of two, short minutes?
23. Did I really just hand my son a bowl of oatmeal with peanut butter and chocolate chips after saying, “No, you cannot have a chocolate heart before breakfast”?
24. Did I really just fill that cup (the one with no lid) with strawberry-carrot juice and then hand it to my son?
25. Did I really just let my son wear a dragon costume to the park and then let him slide down a hill of snow?
Why yes, yes I did.
“Mothers are all slightly insane.” –J.D. Salinger