I’m a fixer and a helper.
I’m a comforter and a “make-it-right’er.”
I’m a protector and a Mama.
And this fixin’, helpin’, protectin’ Mama is realizing (as of late) that I don’t like it when I can’t help, fix, and protect my little bear cubs.
My daughter needs some comforting arms…I’m there.
My son needs a helping hand…I’m there.
They need me…I’m there.
I can make their food, pick up their messes, clean their bums, soothe their tears, find their toys, wash their clothes, locate their ‘lovies,’ and arrange their play-dates…I’m there.
I enjoy assisting them in their little burdens, fixing their little problems, and easing their little chaoses.
Bottom line: I like being there and helping them with their needs.
But this last Sunday, my heart realized what my mind already knew…
I can’t always be there, and I can’t always meet their needs.
As I peeked around the doorway of Caden’s Sunday School classroom, I saw him standing there…ALONE.
Not playing. Not engaging. Not at ease. Not himself.
In that moment, I couldn’t spur him on to play with the others.
In that moment, I couldn’t aid him in engaging with the activities.
In that moment, I couldn’t help make him comfortable.
In that moment, I couldn’t inspire confidence in him.
In that moment, I couldn’t help him, protect him, fix it, change it, or make it right.
With a lump in my throat and tears pooling in my eyes, the Lord gently whispered to my heart, “Jessica, this won’t be the last time you feel helpless. And besides, you were never intended to be his ultimate ‘need-meeter’ anyway.”
And in that moment, I knew the following:
I needed to walk away;
I needed to surrender my desire to meet his needs;
I needed to remember WHOSE he was; and
I needed to entrust him to his ultimate “need meeter.”
Though my mama-heart was still aching, I walked back to the sanctuary with a calming reassurance.
I didn’t have to help him, protect him, fix it, or change it because the creator of my child was in control.
And though I will always love my children and have a fierce desire to help them, I will NEVER, EVER love them more, or be able to help them more, than the ONE who created them and died for them.
“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, [nor standing alone in a classroom] will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39