30 Things I NEVER thought I’d say…

1. “Please stop biting your Daddy’s butt.”

2. “Pay attention! You just peed on my scarf!”

3. “Stop licking the back of the car!”

4. “If you’re going to growl at your sister, at least growl softer.”

5. “If you run with that stick, you’ll poke your eye out.”

6. “Stop chewing the bottom of your shoe.”

7. “I’m bigger than you are.”

8. “Get that M&M out of your eye.”

9. “You need to stop eating your cucumbers and start eating your pizza.”

10. “Get the fork off your head and start eating.”

11. “Stop chewing on my shirt.”

12. “No means NO!”

13. “We are not eating lunch until you go to the bathroom.”

14. “There’s no need to tell Daddy we went to Chipotle again…unless, he directly asks you.”

15. “Do not bite the soap. Do you understand?”

16. “Money doesn’t grow on trees, ya know?”

17. “No, we do not have any Batman water in this house.”

18. “I’ll tell you what’s not fair…LIFE isn’t fair.”

19. “Do not sit on your sister.”

20. “You’re treading on thin ice, Mister.”

21. “Stop jumping on your head or I will stop singing the song.”

22. “If you smile, I’ll give you a lollipop.”

23. “Am I broken record-player or what!?”

24. “What do you mean you’re hungry? You JUST ate!!!”

25. “Get outside and run circles for all I care!”

26. “Batman, it’s time for lunch.”

27. “No, you can not have jelly beans; you just woke up.”

28. “You only say that word in the bathroom. Do you hear me?”

29. “Why would you ever think it’s okay to lick the back of the toilet?”

30. “I’m not going to tell you again…stop hugging your sister.”

No punch line.

No sweet story.

No moment of conviction.

…simply needed a place to upload these memories for future humiliation.

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3 thoughts on “30 Things I NEVER thought I’d say…

  1. So funny – all of them ! Except # 18 – I always added and …..then you die. Guess that is not appropriate yet, huh? Love Evie’s face in this pic…..” Oh no, here come the Cooties again”!

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