For the past month, we have been decorating our cross banner with the sins that Jesus has redeemed. So right before bed, we stand together, hold hands, and each take a turn sharing and confessing our sins that Jesus has forgiven.
Actually, it usually looks like Don and I holding hands while we take turns saying…”Caden, stand still…stop jumping on my toes…No, you cannot have another snack…stop hitting Daddy’s legs…please do not interrupt…yes, we will read a story in a second…” It is far from a “Kumbaya” moment and provides us with new sin opportunities to record on our lovely banner.
Last night was different though. We noticed Caden was standing still and attentively listening to what we were sharing. When it was his turn, I asked, “What sin does Jesus forgive you for, Caden?”
He quickly replied, “My way!”
I was shocked. Was he really getting this nightly concept?
I was blessed. Has he truly been heeding our correction of his selfishness?
I was thankful. Did he understand that “my way” is a sin?
I was HUMBLED. Was God using Caden, again, to convict me of my own sin?
“You are right, Caden. God forgives us for wanting our own way. He forgives you for wanting it your way, and he forgives Mommy and Daddy for wanting it our way.”
And it was over. We read our books, sang our songs, gave our hugs, and tucked him into bed.
But it wasn’t over. Not in my head and not in my heart. I started thinking through the past couple of weeks, and I was humbled by the many reminders of times that I wanted things MY WAY.
Yes, Caden wants his video when he wants it. He wants the snack of his choice. He wants to play how he wants to play. He wants to eat when he wants to eat. He wants to choose where to play. He wants to decide when he wants to go to the bathroom. He wants to decide who to talk to and if he will talk.
He wants what he wants, and it ANNOYS me.
But I also want what I want.
I want Don to notice what I do and thank me for it (repeatedly and accompanied with a hug). I want everyone to sit down to eat when I want to eat (because I like my food hot, and I worked hard to get it on the table). I want Caden to play with his friends at play dates (because I want my own adult interaction). I want Evie to eat when I want her to eat (because I want to be able to watch Mr. Selfridge without interruption). I want…I want…I want.
Now don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with Caden wanting, me wanting, or YOU wanting; however, we often sin in our want.
Caden may throw his toys, yell, flop himself on the ground, whine, or shout, “I don’t like YOU…I don’t like this house anymore” when he doesn’t get his way and though I may not choose those methods, I throw my own “sophisticated” fit. I heave a heavy sigh, throw out a nasty remark, blame-shift, respond with impatience, stomp around the house, or even (GASP) yell!
We want it our way…in our timing…and we want it how we want it.
And Caden was right. Jesus died on the cross for our selfishness. He died for our impatience with others when things do not go our way. In fact, He died for our constant refusal to do things HIS WAY.
Thankful today for the cross and how it has redeemed us from our ugly selves.